Hard Reboot

By the end of the summer, things around here are not always pretty.

Misterpie falls into an annual funk about not being ready to go back to school yet, about all the things he hoped to do over the summer that didn't get done, and about how he didn't even feel that he had the fun or relaxed summer he looks forward to, because the rest of us are at daycare and school and everyone else's life is still busy, so he is alone for much of those two months.

I, on the flip side, hit the crazy busy season over the summer, meaning that I fall asleep early more often, am grouchy and stressed more often, and have less time and energy to really just be with him and the kids. I always want to try to shoehorn in some special time with Pumpkinpie before she goes back to school, and never feel I've accomplished what I wanted there, always feel that the so-called lazy days of summer have utterly passed me by.

It gets tense for a bit, with each of us cranky for our own reasons, each not fully understanding the other, or not communicating adequately as I buzz in and out, and he sits sullenly wishing for more company.

This year was no exception.

I take the last week of the summer to help set up Misterpie's class, though, and set aside the weekend before that for the Port Dover weekend with some of my very favourite blogger/book club girls. That weekend is fast becoming something I look forward to all year, in fact, but it coincided with the depths of both of our miseries, all at once.

Sometimes, it takes a dark moment getting darker before you realize you have to figure out what's blocking the light. I remember that some of my best parenting moves came from getting so desperate that I had to sit down and strategize or go off the deep end entirely. By the time I came home, we both realized some talking and reworking our communication skills was in order.

And it was good. We've gotten better about the day-to-day little bits of talking and deciding things, we've gotten less chaotic, and I feel like we're starting the school year on a good foot. I feel more relaxed, like my home is a haven again, my children less attention-seeking and more delightful to talk to. Even on terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days, I just want to be home. Just this week, I felt worlds better after an hour home, talking with Misterpie. The margarita he made me didn't hurt, either. (Yes, he's a prince, I agree.)

We've even come a long way in a short time in our more intimate relationship, talking about it more, and calling out some assumptions that we were each making, some slight hurt feelings that were holding us back from each other. (I can't say a bit of realizing he was missing me hurt here, either.) There is a fresh start in talking and asking, in opening up to examination even those things that are uncomfortable to address.

I feel like between the talking and the week we spent working as a team in his class, we've been cemented back together again. We had time to talk, to rediscover that we make a good team, and work well together, when we are in sync. A good few weeks of being out of touch with each other and a week or so of simply not working, not fitting, ended up being necessary for us to step back and look things over, and find ourselves a better place than we started at before the summer even began.

I can't quite say I'm grateful for those handful of days when we were both unhappy and not sure how to get through it to the other person, but the fresh start has been a wonderful thing, and comes right in time for the start of the new year for those of us bound to the school calendar.

A hard reboot can feel dire, but things just work better once you're up and running again.