What I've Learned About Boys

My dear friend Alberta is carrying a very soon-to-be-born boy.

I'm not hosting one of those fancy internet showers full of giveaways and gifts, but I am looking to give her a gift of sorts - one that some of you gave me when I was expecting The Bun. I would like to give her some of our best knowledge about boys.

Now she is a teacher, so she knows about the slower development schedule and the enhanced energy-making capabilities of XY-gendered mitochondria. I mean those other things, the one people don't really tell you about. The tips that make things easier, the things you didn't expect but would have been nice to know so you were ready for them. You know the ones.

I'll start:

- Someone told me that the digestive tract of a boy is a totally different and more fearsome beast than that of a girl. I admit, I scoffed. "Human innards are human innards," I thought. I thought wrong. I can't explain it, but the phenomenon of the poonami was a new one to me, one that came with my boy. Sorry, Alberta. I think it's true.

- I was given one very sage piece of advice: buy a fistful of those little baby washcloths and drape one over the babe's business every time you change him. I did for the first several months, and saved myself more than one soaking. Misterpie caught a couple, as did the nursing station at the doctor's office. It's totally worth it to take this trick to heart.

- The equipment may be small, but it's apparently functional. Especially upon waking up from a nap, it seems. I have to admit, the baby wood freaks me out. It just seems entirely wrong to be handling a firm pen1s that small. Wiping under that situation may be just a mite less thorough up front than usual, let's just say.

- My god, this boy can eat some protein. Be prepared to boil a half-dozen eggs at once and buy cheese buy the massive family-sized brick.

- And finally, I had my hesitations about a boy. I didn't know boys, I was worried about whether I would like one, but everyone told me they are the sweetest thing going. They were right. This little guy has my heart completely, as pretty much all my recent posts attest. It's not that I love him any more than Pumpkinpie, but at this stage, she was just a little more prickly, and he is a total cuddlebug. Did I tell you he's giving me kisses that actually resemble kisses now? Just saying, be prepared to give away the last remaining ounces of your heart.

I'm sure I missed a bunch. Care to chip in via comments, anyone?