Second Helpings

I always thought I wanted a single child. With one child, I figured, you can take them along with you pretty much anywhere without turning into the Family Circus. There would be no squabbling to referee, just one nice child who could entertain themselves. Your life wouldn't be completely disrupted and turned upside down, you wouldn't be forced to abandon the world of adults as much as you would be with two, and you could offer them more experiences of that world, not only for being easier to bring along, but also for the lower cost of entry for just the three of us.

But somewhere along the way, we changed our minds. We decided that while we might find ourselves regretting not having another, we were certain we would not regret a child we did have. And so we dove in. Feeling brave, while other people I know were always certain they wanted more than one, and went blithely ahead without the hand-wringing. Either way, the end result is two. Myself, I grew up a single until nearly 12, so my view of ideal childhood is predicated on that, on how easy a child I was reputed to be, but I hear from others that I might be wrong.

People sound pretty convinced, even a little convincing when they tell me this, and I hope they're right - but not only for myself. You see, I write this post to join in the virtual shower (via Playdate) to welcome the second babies of HBM and Mrs. Chicky, two bloggers dear to my heart, as well as another for Chicken & Cheese, a blogger new to me. And of all things, the theme here is to be advice about the having of two. With nothing to go on of my own, I give you ladies what others have told me, direct from the comments on my own post pondering the possibility of #2.

Mo-Wo told me: "With #1 you think about a lot of things done wrong with 2 you think about how you can really make the best of everyday." and "Now I can say to her.. that is your brother and he will love you for his whole life and it is wonderful."

Bub & Pie pointed out that: "if you can survive Baby #1, you can survive anything."

An old, old friend of mine with 4, told me: "I think you'll be pleasantly surprised by #2, if you choose to go that route. My #2 is a sweet, loving, sensitive person; overshadowed at times by #1's gregarious personality, but I cannot imagine my life any other way!"

Mad worried that:"I do think that I am denying my daughter something as vital as oxygen by denying her a sibling but, as I say, I am ancient which means the decision is pretty much out of my hands."

GGC is all for a second, and making it a boy - you hear that HBM? She said:"Seriously BOYS are fabulous. No offense to only children but, well... okay, I'm not going to say anything. Have another and have a boy (not that you can help it, Ha!) because boys are just, well... have you seen mine? He's my absolute hero."

Ruth Dynamite told me:"I've always believed that the best gift you can give a child is a sibling - but that's just me. Yes, another child complicates your life and makes some things harder. Is it impossible? No. Are the joys magnified? Yes. Is it thrilling to watch your children play with eachother and shriek with laughter? Yes. The best."

Mama Tulip is honest, but inspiring, saying: "It was hard at first with two being two years apart, but I see the bond they're forming and it's all worth it. The way they interact is amazing. The way Julia looks out for him touches me deeply; the way his face lights up when he sees her brings tears to my eyes. Yeah, there's moments where they bug each other and moments where I have to take toys away because they're not sharing, but honestly, their relationship is so, so cool. I love that they have each other."

Izzy's process was so close to mine it's a mite scary: "I was set on one for a long time but one day I realized the clock was ticking for me and that I'd better be sure. And that's when I realized that I really did want another child. So we had our son, who I had hoped would be another girl, but now that he's here, I cannot imagine having anyone but him!"

HBM, I remind you of your comment to me: "I'll add this, though: I loved having a sibling. We bickered and fought and clashed, but at the end of the day, she was always my ally and my friend, and I wouldn't trade that experience for anything. And I want [Wonderbaby] to have something of that."

Blue is a little braver than I about the outings with more than one, but it's nice to hear it can work: "I've always desired a large family. I do find that it is possible to do the outings like restaurants, movies, trips, and the like with two children. It takes lots of will and gusto!"

Nancy mentioned the one thing I haven't worried much about, but it may be nice to hear: "It's funny what they say -- when you have one child, you can never imagine loving a second one the way you do the first. But your heart expands infinitely. It's a wonderful thing."

So for you three, for me, for anyone else out there expecting another, let's hope all these cheerleaders for the joys of two are not only telling the truth, but maybe even understating it. Good luck ladies, and let me know how it goes...