Undressing

After my wedding, ten years ago now, I went home, tired but happy after a fun evening with friends, asked Misterpie to unbutton my many-buttoned dress, and stepped out of it. I hung it from the curtain rod beside our closet. I looked at it, hanging there. And I wondered. Now what? What do I do with it?

Well, some people preserve their dress, in some kind of special wrapping. To what end, I am not certain. I am not one to spend a lot of effort memorializing an event, to be honest. I planned to do a scrapbook of the day but, well, the book and photos and wedding invite samples and everything else still sit in a box from the liquor store, a Bacardi box to be exact, that I piled them in when we moved to New York a couple of years later. So it might be said that I don't stand on ceremony, and don't really see my dress, as much as I might have liked it, as some precious relic for enshrining.

Some people save their dress for their daughter, should she ever be married. But really, wouldn't my daughter, if I had one, if she chose to get married, wouldn't she want to choose her own dress? Couldn't she have really different taste than me? Wouldn't she be offended, as I was, if her mother suggested that the dress she chose wasn't the right one? Wouldn't she roll her eyes at the idea that my taste was so perfectly perfect that hers must, just must be the same? I would, if I were her. So no, I didn't really see the point in that.

Still, I liked my dress. It seemed like a special thing. I chose it carefully, wore it to a special moment. So it didn't seem quite right to just give it away to Goodwill or throw it in the costume box, either. What to do?

As it turns out, the answer is the same as my quandry about what to do with the 18" length of hair I once cut off: give it away to benefit kids with cancer. Sounds peculiar, huh? But I was so thrilled to discover this just last week, and I wanted to share it with you all. Maybe some of you have the same dilemma about gown disposition as I have had. And maybe some of you know someone getting married who could use some cost-cutting help but don't want to sacrifice a nice dress for it. And I have an answer for both in the form of The Brides Project.

A few years ago, when Helen Sweet was getting married, she was, as I think many of us are, given pause by the enormous cost of all things bridal. After her wedding, she contemplated giving her dress to the one-day event, Brides Battling Breast Cancer. But she thought that maybe it could be something bigger, something more ongoing, something that she could start with her history of helping with charities and her memories of losing a friend to cancer at just 9 years old. And so began the collecting of dresses.

The Brides Project began with just three dresses, including her own, grew by way of donated dresses from various brides, and eventually caught the attention of others in the industry. Today, 90% of the dresses are new and unused, most from high-end designers, some worth thousands of dollars. They are donated by partners in the bridal industry. As well, there are the dresses donated by brides, most of which are similarly stunning, expensive dresses. Sweet has added on services, offering shoes, veils of her own design and manufacture, jewelry, tiaras, handbags, wraps and capes, and more. The dresses pay for the rent (sometimes), and anything above that is donated to three cancer charities. The veils are what support Sweet and cover whatever the dresses don't. On top of this, Sweet offers referrals to some services, DJs, florists, and so on, that she knows, and many of them donate some of their fees to the same charities. Because Sweet aims for truly one-stop shopping, she also officiates weddings, making her part of the entire process.

Going to shop at the Project is a very different experience from a bridal store, it must be said. To keep rent low, Sweet's home and operation are based in a former rooming house which has an old charm in its wooden doors and stained glass windows, but none of the grandeur and airy whiteness of a bridal shop, to be sure. Though Sweet offers wonderful dresses at outrageously cheap prices ($50-750), this experience is not for the Princess Bride who hopes to be fawned over and to stand atop a pedestal gazing at her reflection while an attendant measures, hems, and exclaims. Rather, Sweet leaves her brides with some guidelines about being careful with the dresses, and lets them try on what they will (just how I like to be handled when shopping!). Her dresses are arranged sensibly in three rooms, each with a narrow range of sizes in it. The rooms house a lovely collection, but there are two more rooms on the main floor with new arrivals, and hundreds more dresses in the basement level, making her stock more than impressive and giving any bride a good chance of finding something. It is also worth mentioning that the highly allergic might want to check her stock on the website, as do customers from across North America, for Sweet lives up to her name, fostering and rescuing a number of cats, who live in the back half of the house, though the rooms of dresses are closed to them. (For a cat lover like myself though, it is kind of nice to be greeted by Charlie, who rolled over for a belly rub, since my visit was not during business hours!) To be honest, I wish this had been around when I married. How lovely, to get your dress more cheaply, to avoid the madness of bridal salons and their scary hovering salespeople and bridezillas (okay, this is what I imagine, I don't really know), and to be helping good causes, all at once.

Because of my own bias about the gaudiness of some dresses, I simply had to ask Sweet one question: What about dresses that were simply not saleable? What became of those? Turns out, some are used for their fabric, beads, and buttons to go into new dresses. And some are given to a class that teaches teenagers how to sew, taking the dresses apart and rebuilding them. Everything gets used. I love Sweet's dedication to this, although she is finding it tough lately to keep the business afloat. It seems the industry as a whole is in a slowdown these days, for the fleet of brides lining up to be married on the "lucky" date 07/07/07 all bought their dresses last year. Know anyone who needs a dress and is a bit put off by all the fuss? Sweet would love to help them find a dress and anything else they might need to complete their day.

As for my dress, now I have a reason to go up to the in-laws and try to find it.