Out in the Chilling Fields...
I came across fridayplaydate's fantastic post about the so-called "Mommy Wars" today... and it makes me think. Why are we so het up about this? I have a theory that it wasn't really about an "us and them" mentality to start, it just became that way. You see, we parents are all working hard trying to do what we feel is best for us and our children, wherever or however we are doing it. But we also know that whatever path we choose for this, someone will disapprove. And because it matters so deeply to us that we are doing the best for our children, it makes us defensive, and that's when things start getting bitter.
So what to do? We can't change other people. But we can try to remember each and every one of us that just because someone else has different needs or beliefs and has made different choices, it does not consitute a scathing indictment of our own. Maybe instead of complaining about how we each have it so much harder on the path we've chosen, we can comiserate. It's hard all around. Or better yet, create more sites like parenthacks, where parents of all walks get together constructively to share what works for them. Three cheers.
All that said, it is hard to have quiet, deep faith in your own choices, especially when they involve the future happiness of our children. Who doesn't doubt themselves often as a parent? It all matters so desperately. It's not like math, where it's obvious when you're wrong and there's a clear method to follow to the correct formula. It's more like art. You may have spent a long time choosing the painting hanging proudly over your mantle, but so did your neighbours carefully select theirs. It might not be your taste, but it's not hurting you any. Now can we all stop complaining and pointing fingers, and get back to focusing on those kids already?
Update: Reading further in fridayplaydate, I found a second post on the topic, and a reply section full of totally sane responses! Yay! Commence disarming now.
Labels: foolish feuds